Hey guys 🙂
I started this blog around 4 years ago with the idea for it to be my online diary. I was quite busy at the time and did not produce much content and eventually I just dropped it.
A few months ago I embraced a completely new chapter in my life – my search for self-discovery, self-love and healing. As the time passed I felt the creativity flowing through my veins again and the need to share what I have learnt with others. That’s why, I remembered my lost online diary and decided to bring it back to life (honestly I have been thinking of topics and ideas for the past 3-4 months but the New Year seemed like the best time to actually do it).
I will start by saying that I prefer to stay anonymous here as I am planning on sharing really personal things that I don’t feel completely ready to disclose to the world openly under my name. Hopefully a day will come when I will be ready to reveal my name but until then please stick with me if you are interested in my posts or just leave the blog without being hateful. Thanks 🙂
In case my anonymity would not be a deal-breaker, I am happy to welcome you all rebels, misfits, dreamers, creatives, princesses, princes, the black sheeps …those who are different, who struggle to come to terms with our reality and to find their place under the sun … everyone who feels that their place is here and that they can get something out of my experience.
I don’t really know where to start with my story but to make it short for now I will start off by saying that I had a bad childhood because my parents separated when I was very little. They argued a lot and I felt that I should be the adult, the responsible one, who has to do something and bring them back together. My numerous efforts failed (and for the better) but as a fragile, emotional child at an early age I started struggling with feelings of anger, sadness, guilt, separation anxiety, abandonment from my father and many others. During the first grades I was bullied badly at school which made things worse.
As I grew up I tried to capsule these awful feelings and never think of them again and I did succeed until I moved all alone on the other side of Europe at the age of 19. The separation from home and from my mother who has been my rock during all of these awful experiences brought back feelings I did not even know existed. I tried to suppress them for a very long time (I tend to be very stubborn) but then when I finished university and couldn’t find a job for more than 2 years, receiving numerous rejection letters made things unbearable.
I started suffering from severe Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Panic Attacks and mild Depression. It was extremely hard getting out of the bed in the morning and even worse when I had to leave the house. I lived in a constant nightmare …there is a lot to be told about this experience but I will share more in my upcoming posts on Anxiety and Panic Attacks. In the meantime, despite feeling awful, I was constantly trying to convince my mother and my boyfriend that I do not suffer from a mental illness. Until one day I had the worst fight with my boyfriend – I said things that I did not really think – it was my anxiety and my ego talking – we did not talk for whole 20 hours (we have been together more than 5 years and that is the first time that something like this happened). I was crying the whole night and I woke up a different person. I woke up a determined person, one who has admitted that is suffering and that needs help. That’s the day I decided that I needed to do something about my mental health and started reading self-help books, trying out different techniques and signed up for a weekly therapy. All of this helped me tremendously – I still have a long way to go until I am fully recovered – but around 9 months later it is not that hard to get out of bed or out of the house.
While all of this was happening in my mind, a lot has been happening in my body as well. I started getting extremely painful periods around 4 years ago and a lot of doctors expressed their concern that it might be endometriosis. I managed the symptoms and the periods by taking the pill for the past 3 years but apparently the disease was still there thriving. Around a year ago I was diagnosed with endometrioma – cyst on the ovary. It started growing and it is now more than 7cm. That’s why, in the past year I have been battling endometriosis as well and trying to find a way to reduce the cyst without the need for surgery.
So to sum up, my blog will be mainly about living life as a creative dreamer searching for their life purpose and path, battling anxiety and endometriosis, sharing tips on coping with these diseases, raising awareness on mental health and trying to live life to the fullest despite all obstacles.
Hope you all enjoy it! Welcome aboard my crazy life!