“Anyone who can touch you can hurt you or heal you…
Anyone who can reach you can love you or leave you…”

There comes a moment in life when you look back and realise how many people you have lost along the way. People who were like a family to you, who knew all of your good and bad sides, people you could not imagine to be apart from. But now you are so far away from them, that you have no idea how their life is going. And you remember how you used to spend so much time together and how you used to talk, how you felt so comfortable around them and for a millisecond you wish you could talk to them again. But then… you can’t call them, because you separated as foes, your last dates were a disaster and it would be really inappropriate for you to try to reach them.

At the moment these thoughts cross your mind, you feel again the bitter-sweet taste of the fight in your mouth. You can’t help but think that it is all your fault and that you weren’t good enough, you have made mistakes. Yes, we all make mistakes, we expect too much and when we don’t get it, we fight. But at the end how can we not struggle for the attention we need. Can we always be the good ones and leave the others to use us? Apparently there is no humanity left in people these days and when you always listen and understand, you are left on the second place. Everyone has their double standards – when someone gives you no choice, you do what they want you to do, but when you know about somebody that they will always sympathise with you, there is just no need to pay so much attention to their wishes. But we all need some people who can show us they love us and are happy for us to be a part of their lives. And if they don’t demonstrate this, how can we feel loved and appreciated? How can we satisfy our basic human needs?

“I think–I think when it’s all over,
It just comes back in flashes, you know?
It’s like a kaleidoscope of memories.
It just all comes back. But he never does.
I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen.
It’s not really anything he said or anything he did,
It was the feeling that came along with it.
And the crazy thing is I don’t know if I’m ever gonna feel that way again.
But I don’t know if I should.
I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright.
But I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you toward someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you?
Maybe he knew that when he saw me.
I guess I just lost my balance.
I think that the worst part of it all wasn’t losing him.
It was losing me.”

The worst part of breaking up with somebody is the fact that you lose part of your own self during the separation… and afterwards you are unable to trust people. You always feel like you are going to be betrayed again and prefer to look suspicious on everybody, to have very high expectations and if nobody meets them, then you should never let yourself be fooled again. And actually no one can meet your expectations, even your relatives… and you end up being alone, feeling really lonely. So maybe in this world it is bad to be a dreamer, to hope for friends and life similar to the sitcom FRIENDS, to hope for the romantic story of Romeo and Juliet. Maybe you should be realist, in order to succeed, you must make the people around you fear you and teach them to do what you say. 

Just try to buy yourself some love.